Geeking with Mental Illness: How I Fight the Blues

Time to get a little more personal today.

Here's David Tennant with a kitten to start off a depressing topic

I've been wanting to write a post talking about my mental illness, but the only time I think of posts to write, I'm in a bad state mentally and have no motivation/strength/ability to put my thoughts into words, much less coherent enough to share.

So, I decided to talk about it while I'm in a good state and hopefully, I can encompass a little bit about how being mentally ill and a geek coincide.

One thing about mental illness that I think is often overlooked is how it varies from person to person. Some people show anxiety and depression differently, and the severity can definitely fluctuate between person and even time.

For me, I struggle with anxiety and depression. I've hit a few lows in my life but I'm pretty stable now (thanks to amazing therapists and years of work). That's not to say I don't have my low days/weeks, but it's gone from low years to smaller, more manageable time frames. 

One thing that happens is that I slowly go from normal, productive college student to barely gets off the couch/showers/brushes my hair in a matter of weeks if I get in a bad state. I call it my "depression mode" and it is almost like dealing with two different people. Jonathan lives with me so he sees me drift in and out of these modes all the time, which can be really hard on a person, so he's awesome for being able to help support me during these times. 

 How does this relate to being a geek?

My favorite things to do when I'm not dealing with this stuff, or not in full-blown depression/anxiety mode, is to play video games, watch movies, craft, and otherwise let my geek flag fly. 

When I do get into this funk though, I spend so much of my time laying on the couch and talking about what I want to do but nothing sounds appealing. I'm so indecisive that I spend all day turning down games/books/movies and before I know it, the day is over and I'm even more depressed because I wasted my day and the cycle continues until I'm a mess of tears, anxiety, and tangled hair.

All this does is take away what I enjoy doing and make me even more depressed because I see myself negatively because I "can't even function" normally. This is so not cool and it just makes everything harder to get out of.

This is then piled onto by TV shows/books/movies and the general FOMO that comes with being a nerd in this modern time because there is SO MUCH STUFF TO DO. All this together just stresses me out even more and I'm too overwhelmed to even try.

How to Heal and Deal

Obviously, this isn't a list of one size fits all and I'm not a doctor so this shouldn't be anyone's sole guidebook, but this is what works for me.


1. Shower and brush your hair

This is huge for me because I literally fail at taking care of myself in these states. By forcing myself to get in the shower and brush my hair, I literally wash off a layer off illness. Ever hear of fake it til you make it? 


2. Take it one step at a time

When I'm in this mode, it's daunting to look at even the basic needs without feeling that laying in bed would be so much easier. So I make a mental list that takes each step at a time. First, get out from the blanket, then get up from bed, then go to shower, stand in hot water, etc. There's a reason AA and similar programs use the one day at a time rule. By focusing on smaller tasks, you're more likely to accomplish them because they aren't overwhelming you with a huge pile of to-do's.


3. Don't Think, DO

This is probably the hardest one for me to do. Instead of spending so much time looking for the perfect book/game/movie, just grab the first one you see and start it. Don't tell yourself "I'm not in the mood", just do it. Since a lot of my depression/anxiety manifests itself as indecision, when I force myself to play a game (wow, never thought I'd write that sentence), I am telling my mental illness to screw off because I'm gonna live my life in control today.


4. Surround Yourself With What Makes You Smile

For me, this is Dorkly's Pwn Up column (long discontinued, sadly), Booktube, Tea, and Pinterest. I don't know why this stuff makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside but I know it does and if I can feel good about something, it spreads to other areas of my life.


5. Remember, Netflix Exists

That FOMO I was talking about earlier? That feel that you'll never catch up to GOT/Supergirl/Rick and Morty? Screw that. Netflix, Youtube, Hulu, Amazon......they exist for a reason. We aren't able to do every single thing the moment it comes out and that doesn't diminish your value in the community. Doing something, even if it's one thing, will inspire you to do more things but take it at your own pace.


I hope I was able to shed a little light on my personal struggles and maybe provide some useful information, or at least convey that I'm here rooting for all of you. Thanks for being awesome and remember that you aren't alone!

                                          


Always, Raineedayze

Top 5 Tuesday: Top 5 Dream Reading Spaces

Oh, reading spaces. 

We all have our own little nooks where we prefer to read. My preference is a little corner next to my bedroom window that I have piled huge teddy bears into as makeshift pillows. 

Regardless of your current reading spaces, I'm pretty sure we all have a few dream spaces that we would LOVE to curl up in with nice cup of tea. Here are mine!

 *Top 5 Tuesday was created by Shanah from Bionic Book Worm! Make sure to check out her blog for more bookish awesomeness!*



5. The Gryffindor Common Room 

As a huge Harry Potter fan, I would love the chance to sit in front of the crackling fire and read a book. The trio spent so much time here planning, doing homework (or copying Hermione's), and it was my favorite setting in the books. As for now, there is this website   that allows you to listen to the sounds of the common room.



4.Asuna and Kirito's cabin (Sword Art Online)

I know this is kind of a weird place, but I loved how serene this area was. It looked so peaceful and I would love to just  relax here on the lake and read a book. Although, I would like to eventually leave the game!


3. Belle's Library

ALL THE BOOKS! I feel like there are so many reading nooks in her library and I would love to sit there and pore over every title.  


2. Christian Grey's Apartment

Hear me out. I thought the movies were awful and the books were problematic BUT I loved his apartment. I'm a sucker for huge windows and I can only imagine how amazing they would look on a rainy day while I curl up with a book. Plus, his kitchen is huge and I could have so many reading snacks! I could do without the guy though.


1.  Arcadia Bay (Life is Strange)

Specifically, this area where Max runs into the deer. Obviously could do without the storm, but look at how gorgeous this view is!! 


Those are my dream reading spaces! What are some of yours? Leave a link to your #T5T posts below so I can check them out! 


Always, Raineedayze

The TV Tag

I saw this post floating around the blogosphere and then Michelle over at A Geek Girls Guide tagged anyone who hadn't done it sooo......here we are!

Make sure you check out her blog as well because it is awesomely adorable and a new favorite of mine!

Let's go!


Favorite TV Shows

How I Met Your Mother, Bob's Burgers, Daria, Superjail, Sealab 2021, Parks and Rec, Rick and Morty, Family Guy, As Told by Ginger, Riverdale, Wayward Pines, Roswell, The Big Bang Theory, Star Trek.




 Favorite Genre

Adult animation. Fun fact: Jonathan knows a ton about the behind-the-scenes of many adult animated shows (Superjail, Sealab 2021, etc) and I love learning about them from him.





 

Least Favorite Show

Probably anything crime-related or about home makeovers. 




Most Rewatched Show 

Probably How I Met Your Mother. I tried getting Jonathan into it but it's a long process.



Do You Prefer Watching Things Week by Week or Binge-Watching?

I don't have cable so I have to watch everything all at once. But usually, I can't focus long enough to watch more than 1-2 episodes at a time.

 

Favorite Characters

Marshall from HIMYM, Leslie Knope, April Ludgate, Andy Dwyer, and Ron Swanson from Parks and Rec, Tina from Bob's Burgers, Daria, Amy Farrah Fowler (TBBT), The Warden and the Mistress from Superjail.



 

Favorite TV Ships

April and Andy (P&R), Marshall and Lily (HIMYM) , Max and Liz, Michael and Maria (both from Roswell), The Warden and The Mistress (Superjail)



 Show You Could Never Get Into

Grey's Anatomy and Gossip Girl. I just couldn't enjoy them.



 

Show You Fell Out Of Love With

30 Rock. After a few seasons, I just couldn't get back into it. 


 

Cancelled Too Soon

Black Box. I've mentioned it a few times on here but man that show was awesome and ended on such a cliffhanger. Also, Sealab 2021!


 

Guilty Pleasure Show

Bridezillas!! When Jonathan and I first started dating, we spent one weekend binge-watching this show and he got super into it.

 


What Are You Currently Watching?

Right now, I'm waiting for Rick and Morty to get on Hulu. I'm also finally watching Game of Thrones!

I tag my favorite TV watcher Becca (seriously, she watches a lot of TV. IDK how she does it!) and anyone else who has yet to do this tag!


Always, Raineedayze

Anything But Books Tag

Tags are so much fun. I love doing them and because Becca from My Life As A Sports Fangirl is so fabulous, she tagged me in the Anything But Books tag. Make sure to show her blog some love and also read her answers because she is so cool and you will want to be her BFF.



1. Name a Cartoon You Love

I am a lover of all cartoons because I wanted to (and still dream about) being an animator. One of my absolute favorites is probably As Told By Ginger because it tackled a lot of issues without being an after school special. Other notable contenders are Drawn Together, Daria, Rick and Morty, and Bob's Burgers.

 
2. What is Your Favorite Song Right Now? 

                  

I absolutely love this song. It's been on steady rotation on my drive to work and while I work on posts. 

 
3. What Could You Do For Hours That Isn't Reading?

Definitely play video games. I love gaming and can spend hours traversing Skyrim or on Overwatch. It's pretty hard though since I get motion sickness so easily.



4. What's Something You Love To Do That Your Followers Would Be Surprised By?

I love to cook and bake, especially for other people. Growing up, my family members were all great cooks and I was constantly made fun of. Now, they constantly ask me to make food. So, I guess I have a talent. Plus I love people enjoying my food and that old-fashioned I Love Lucy vibe I get from baking pies and casseroles.



5.  What is Your Favorite Unnecessarily Specific Thing to Learn About?


                                        


Fan theories and music conspiracy theories. I love music and ever since I was younger, was obsessed with conspiracy theories, urban legends, and myths surrounding the music industry. For example, backmasking, hidden tracks, rumors about songs, and theories about concept albums. I don't know why but I love the idea that there are hidden secrets on things that I love.

 
6. What is Something Unusual You Know How To Do?

Not really something I CAN do, but something unusual I can't do is cross my eyes. I am far-sighted in one eye, near-sighted in the other, and have an astigmatism in both so my eyes are pretty screwed up. For some reason, when I try to cross my eyes, my right eye slowly slides to the opposite end of my nose, so I end up looking half cross-eyed. I went to eye therapy for it but it never corrected itself.Also, if you put on my glasses and cross your eyes, anyone can see perfectly, just doubled. It's pretty weird.

 
7. Name Something You Made in the Last Year and Show Us if You Can

I built my gaming set up which I think qualifies for this and you can see it in my Gaming Set Up post. Other than that, I made the Online Tea Party Graphic as well, which I feature in my OTP posts. I also baked some yummy egg concoctions which can also be viewed in the PC post. 

 
8. What is Your Most Recent Personal Project?

Building my computer is up there since it has always been my dream to build my computer myself. Also, I try to set small goals for myself each month which are pretty personal ways of bettering myself and making me more productive!


9. Tell Us Something You Think About Often

                                          


How to enjoy my time before I graduate. Obviously I'd like to be done with school, but I am kind of nervous to finish because I will be officially thrust into the real world. Right now, I'm lucky enough to not have to work and only focus on school so all my free time is mine to use on whatever I choose. But after I graduate, I'll have to get a full-time job and lose the ease of vacations, easy work, and freedom. 

 
10. Give Us Something That Is Your Favorite But Make it Oddly Specific

Okay, I know I'm gonna get so much shade for this but...

-Maruchan Cup Ramen - Lime Shrimp flavor (not the bag, not the plain shrimp, not the Lime Chili Shrimp)  
-1 minute in the microwave. Yes I know it is still crunchy, shut up.  
-15 shakes of Tabasco sauce, aka God's gift to us all.  
-Few shakes of lime juice.

There you have it, Lysette's favorite meal. 

 
11. Say the First Thing That Pops In Your Head

Boom Fallout. (I was listening to the Fallout soundtrack while writing this).


 

This was such a cool tag. I love talking about myself (so modest, I know) and I;m glad I got to share some things I normally wouldn't talk about in posts. I hope my ramen recipe didn't scare you away and if you are reading this, YOU ARE TAGGED! Sorry, I don't make the rules. You gotta do it.

Thanks again Becca for tagging me!


Always, Raineedayze

Top 5 Tuesday: Top 5 Book Recommendations For Non-Readers

Happy Tuesday!

This week we are talking about 5 books we would recommend to non-readers. 

*Top 5 Tuesday was created by Shanah from Bionic Book Worm! Make sure to check out her blog for more bookish awesomeness!*

This topic was kind of hard for me because I grew up surrounded by readers and so when I heard that there were people who didn't enjoy reading, I was kind of taken aback.

"What do you mean you don't really read? What do you do with your time???"

I love reading and since it has been such a huge part of my life, I had to think about what would I recommend to someone who wasn't the biggest reader. In no particular order...


5.  The Babysitter's Club series by Ann M. Martin

Starting it off ambitious with a series sounds crazy, but one thing I liked about these books is that they are great standalone books by themselves. Not only are the stories fun, and dealt with real topics, the characters were likeable and make you want to connect with them. Plus, it's middle-grade that doesn't feel like middle-grade.


4. All- American Girl by Meg Cabot

This is one of my favorite books of all time. I think the premise is interesting, the characters are well-written and the writing style is phenomenal. I also think that because this book is written like a chick flick comedy. this would definitely appeal to  people who may prefer movies to books. The premise isn't too far out there and the book is easy to follow along.


3.  Daphne's Book by Mary Downing Hahn

While writing this list, I went back to my favorite books that I read growing up and remembered why I liked them. I loved these books because they were easy to follow but weren't ridiculously simple. This is another one of my favorite books by one of my favorite authors growing up. The storyline is a little darker than the other choices on here, but I think this book would appeal to someone who wanted depth but in a format that wasn't too hard to follow.


2. Wolf Boy by Evan Kuhlman

I loved this book. I bought this book at a convention where the seller was probably just getting rid of extra things he had lying around. But when I read it, I fell in love with the plot and I really liked the way the story tied in a comic element to it. I think this book is great because it's fun, sad, and provides a deep plot.


1. Just Listen by Sarah Dessen

I am a huge Sarah Dessen fan and throughout middle school and high school, I wasn't reading as many books as I used to. One of the only authors that I did read a lot from was Sarah Dessen because her books were contemporary, and emotional and basically super mega teen girl lit. I love her books, I adore her writing style, and I think her books make you want to continue reading her work.


What 5 books would you recommend? Have you read any of my choices? Leave a link to your #T5T posts below and I will definitely check them out!



Always, Raineedayze

Autumn Bucket List

It's Autumn!!!

Autumn is my favorite time of year (until winter that is) and I love going all out for it! I am a flannel wearing, pumpkin-spiced everything, apple-flavored bundle of orange and red in the fall and every year I make an Autumn bucket list for things I want to complete from September to November!

This year, I decided to focus on all the fun things that make Autumn special for me.

                            

I also wanted to incorporate some autumn elements into my hobbies. I'll be taking plenty of photos as I complete my Autumn bucket list so be sure to follow me on Instagram to see all the fun!

I definitely hope to make this season the best ever!
I'd love to see your goals for Autumn! Link your posts in the comments or tweet me @raineedayze!


Always, Raineedayze

Review: One Of Us Is Lying + Video

So, if you've been a recurring reader of the blog, you probably know that I have been super hyped for this book to come out. 

One Of Us is Lying by Karen M. McManus follows a group of 5 students in detention and during detention, one of the students dies. Now the 4 remaining students are under investigation as murder suspects while they fight to figure out the truth of what happened. 

*Spoilers Ahead* 

This book was kind of disappointing to me. I found myself having to constantly re-read passages, and I wasn't really invested in the individual characters, Plus I kind of felt like their storylines were super convoluted and overwhelmed the plot.  Here are more of my thoughts, in video form!

 Sorry for my awkwardness, but hey it's my first video!

Did you enjoy the video format? Let me know and I might make some more!

Always, Raineedayze

The TBR Tag

I'm so excited to be tagged in things! I am horrible at keeping a TBR but I was tagged by my BFF Becca from My Life As A Sports Fangirl. I'm tagging every reader of this post so....get to it!

1. How Do You Keep Track Of Your TBR Pile?

I am horrible at keeping track of my TBR. The closest thing I have to it is my Goodreads Want to Read shelf and my wish list I hold on the local library's website. I really need to move it to my planner but I get so caught up in books on a whim that I add to it frequently. 

2. Is Your TBR Mostly Print or E-Book?

E-book! I have a Kindle Fire Tablet and I read so many books on there. Most of the books I get are from the local library and I can check them out online and download them to my tablet. Plus they auto-return and I can do it all from the comfort of my own home. Plus it makes it so much easier to read at school without having to carry more books. 

3. How Do You Determine Which Book From Your TBR to Read Next?

My library site has a "Wish List" area that I can put all the books I want to read on. I usually decide after I finish whatever book I was reading. I go by my mood at the time so it changes frequently.

4. A Book That's Been on Your TBR The Longest

 Hmm.....The Lord of the Rings series is probably the longest. I read The Hobbit and another book in the series when I was younger but I haven't revisited the series as a whole and I really want to! Also the Game of Thrones/ASOIAF books. On my library TBR, it would be The Female of the Species by Mindy McGinnis. Not sure why, but I haven't gotten around to reading it.

5. A Book That You Recently Added to Your TBR

Wonder Woman: Warbringer by Leigh Bardugo. I really REALLY want to read this (and I know Becca does) and it is also the Iggle Bookclub pick of the month so maybe I will finally get to read it this month!

6.  A Book On Your TBR Strictly Because of its Beautiful Cover

My Best Friend's Exorcism by Grady Hendrix. Maybe not a beautiful cover but it's so cool and I adore the 80's VHS feel! Plus it reminds me of the creepy Goosebumps books and teen slasher books I used to read as a kid.

7.  A Book On Your TBR That You Never Plan On Actually Reading

This is a hard one for me because I hate leaving lists unfinished. After debating though, probably Eleanor and Park by Rainbow Rowell. I've heard it wasn't very good and slightly problematic but the truth is, the plot isn't super interesting to me. I dunno what it is but I can't see myself falling in love the way I did with Carry On.

8. An Unpublished Book on Your TBR That You're Excited For

The Cruel Prince by Holly Black. This book doesn't come out until 2018 (WHY???) but as a lover of all things fairies and Holly Black, I need this so much in my life!!

9. A Book on Your TBR That Basically Everyone Has Read Except You

I was about to write The Book Thief and then I saw Becca put it as her answer so I guess I'm not the only one! Other than that, The Lunar Chronicles series is a book series I've wanted to read forever and I feel that everyone else has already read it! But I have always been fascinated with it.

10. A Book On Your TBR That Everyone Recommend to You

The Gentlemen's Guide To Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee. I have heard so much about this book and it is all over Booktube. I'm not sure when I'll get to it but it looks pretty good.

11. A Book on Your TBR That You're Just Dying To Read

One of Us is Lying by Karen M. McManus. Even though I have heard mixed reviews about it, I am so stoked to read it because I absolutely fell in love with the plot. I am currently on the waitlist at my library for it and am dying of anticipation!!

12. The Number of Books on Your Goodreads TBR Shelf

78 because I have no control of my life. Since I tend to update my Library wish list more frequently, I thought I'd share that here as well. On my library shelf I have 48. And the weird thing is, most of the books on both these lists differ so it's like a combined total of 126. What is my life?


Thanks Becca so much for tagging me and I'm so excited to see what's on all of your shelves!! 



Always, Raineedayze

 

Top 5 Tuesday: 5 Books I Consider Modern Classics

Hello all you lovely people!

I found this tag by browsing Becca's blog and I love the idea. I haven't blogged a lot about books lately even though I have been reading and I really wanted to go back to writing about books since they are such a huge part of my life!

Top 5 Tuesdays were started by Shanah from Bionic Book Worm. Definitely check out her blog because it is fabulous! 

In no particular order, here are my 5 books that I consider modern classics.



5. The Harry Potter series. 

I feel like this is a given because Harry Potter was (and still is) a cultural phenomenon. Many book bloggers and booktubers cite Harry Potter as being their gateway into this world and it is one of the biggest fandoms inspiring movies, toys, games, plays, music, and so much more. This is definitely something that I am glad I was able to experience as it came out and forsee it being a force for a very long time.



4. The Fault in Our Stars by John Green

Hear me out. I liked this book. I cried at this book. But this book is by no means my favorite. I think this book did bridge a gap between readers and non-readers and I think it helped steamroll the popularity of YA to a larger community. I don't think this book is award-winning, but I think it adds an important note in history.



3. To All The Boys I've Loved Before series by Jenny Han

I loved these books so much. I adored the characters, the feel, the story. Everything about these books was fabulous. While reading these books, I definitely got some Jane Austen vibes. I really think this series was positive, fun, but not too fluffy. 


2. Carry On by Rainbow Rowell

I loved this book tremendously so. I feel this book is something that really brought a good LGBTQ storyline to life without it being cheesy or weird and I adored the writing style.


1. Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell

I loved this book. I don't know if it was my favorite, but I feel it was necessary reading because of how much it has influenced the book community. I enjoyed the storyline, I liked the characters, and I love Rainbow Rowell's writing. I feel like this book was a narrative that brought fun into YA drama and blended it so well. 

Those are my 5 modern classics. Do you agree with my choices? Let's chat in the comments!


Always, Raineedayze