Life Update - What's Going On

Hey ya'll. 

I know it has been a hot minute since I've written on here and it kind of came out of nowhere. To be honest, I had tons of posts sitting in drafts waiting to go out and I actually have been writing this post over and over again to get everything out in a way that makes sense.

Let's just get it out in the open. I've been struggling a lot lately. 

If you've been a follower for a while or follow me on my social media, I've always been very upfront about my battle with depression and anxiety. It's something I've dealt with for over half of my life and I've talked at length about the ups and downs with it.

The past month has been kind of a really big pit of depression. I ended up leaving my job because of it, as I could barely get out of bed everyday. That hurt me a lot because I loved my job and it felt like this illness took it away from me. My boss and coworkers were super awesome and understanding but it really hurt to have to give up something that I enjoyed because of this.

One of the things that I hate the most about having a mental illness, is that it's invisible. So even to me, I sometimes get really angry with myself and feel like "Why couldn't you JUST GET UP?". Not seeing physical symptoms can make it feel like I'm crazy for not being able to just force myself to be "normal". To hold a job, to go out, to hang out with my friends...

It's been a lot weighing on me since then. I'm struggling with this mental illness and also struggling because the other half of me is constantly feeling guilty for not having a job and being this lump of sadness and guilt.

I started going to a new counselor and taking new meds and at this point it just takes time. It's hard because most days I feel like a shell of myself, going through the motions. 

I usually try to end my posts on a happier note, but at the moment I'm just trying to stay afloat. I just wanted to let you guys know what's going on and why I've been MIA online (or in person to my IRL friends).

Thanks for all your support and I will continue to update and try to bring some more content when I can. 

Lots of Love

Raineedayze